see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
