You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
