Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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