His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Randomize
