Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
