He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
