dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
