Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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