I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The Olympian is in my bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
