i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
