fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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