just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
