Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
