I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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