Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
