and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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