I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
