Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
