Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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