we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
