I'm gonna have a badass scar
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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