You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
