Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
