I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
