Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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