OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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