She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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