A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
