I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was like eating out sand paper
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
