She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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