Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
