she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
