We're like a lot better than the average bears
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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