I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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