she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
