She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
