She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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