it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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