I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
