He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
