Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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