i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she peed on how many people?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
