Betty ford says i'm here all night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
