Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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