I will die if light touches me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
