Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
