I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am midnight drunk by noon
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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