Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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