I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
