Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dicks are not precious.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
