I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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