sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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