Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
