Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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