it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
