Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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