My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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