this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
