she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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