Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
