I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
