I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
