i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
