Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
