Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
