Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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