I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
