she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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