Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
